Why I Write Strong Men Who Are Still Soft Where It Counts

One of the questions I'm frequently asked is about the male characters in my books. I tend to write strong male characters--men who are hardcore in some way and expected to be pillars of strength and examples of steel in human form. However, I make sure to give these men a soft spot, a weakness, a certain sensitivity that keeps them human. Let's take a dive into why I mold my characters this way.

Reason #1: The Promotion of Emotional Intelligence in Men

The first and most important reason I create strong male characters who possess a soft spot is because I promote emotional intelligence in men. In the real world, so often, we find that men, especially Black men, lack emotional intelligence. They've been taught as children that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, and weakness is frowned upon and even punishable. Many men don't believe in therapy on any level, and they choose to suppress their emotions and past traumas instead of dealing with them head-on, often finding comfort in a vice such as drugs, alcohol, or sex.

While many of my male characters do suffer from past trauma (take Danger for example from the Danger series. His father's actions led to the death of his mother whom Danger, as a teenager coming home from school, found murdered on the kitchen floor), I try to show them confronting that trauma and processing it, even if it's later in life. Many people know they have issues and know what those issues are, but most do not recognize the root cause of the issues until they conduct deep soul searching, which usually is the result of either some sort of devastating self-sabotage or an intense therapy session. This is especially true of men. I strive to make my characters as realistic as possible, and part of that realism is the inclusion of flaws. I use those flaws to drive my characters to want to be better as individuals and as men in today's society. I show them mistreating women, causing harm and emotional damage to others, and then having an epiphany when the behavior costs them in some way. For some of the characters, this involves them losing or almost losing their love interest. For others, these flaws have more fatal effects. Characters do not learn until they are forced to do so. This catastrophic event is a pivotal point in the story and in the lives of the characters because it helps them to fulfill their arc. They grow as a result of the revelation, and in turn, become more emotionally conscious, especially regarding their love interests, and work to be better men for the sake of their relationships.

Reason #2: Demonstration of Protection vs. Control

There is a fine line between protection and control in any relationship. In my current WIP, the male main character is extremely protective of those he loves and has been this way since he was a child. One of the underlying themes of the book is the idea of protection vs. control. The character can sometimes become so set on protecting those he loves that he becomes controlling, attempting to dictate what his loved ones can and can't do in an effort to protect them. This is something we see in real life--a man who disguises control of his love interest as protection. "I just don't want anything to happen to you" is used to excuse his attempt to dictate the female's actions. 

Through these male characters, I am able to demonstrate the difference between a man wanting to protect a woman and a man wanting to control a woman. The soft spots my male characters possess show their true love and care for those women. They display a level of self-sacrifice in order to protect their love interests at all costs. Orlando and Antonio from the Living in His World of Lies series are perfect examples of men who are protective, while Bryan from Never Going Back and Trell from Mona Liza are prime examples of men who are controlling. We watch Orlando and Antonio put their own lives on the line to protect Latrisha and Dazzalyn from the residual consequences of the lives they've led in the dark. But we also watch Bryan attempt to manipulate Iyana into being with him, even when he becomes physically and emotionally abusive, and we witness Trell attempt to control both Veronique and Cheyenne while trying to protect himself from the hurt he's already experienced before at the hands of Veronique. 

Reason #3: We All Need Book Baes

This male character is exactly the type of male character we all love. A strong man, applying pressure, feared and respected, muscle-bound and bench pressing 300 pounds... who doesn't play about his girlfriend/ fiancée/ wife. That woman is his soft spot, and he'll burn the world down behind her. He's labeled her as his, and he makes it clear how he's coming behind her. I write these kinds of men because it's the type of man we all as women really desire. A man who is the head of the relationship, someone we can follow without worrying about whether he'll lead us off a cliff, someone who puts us in our soft girl era and allows us to sit in it without a care in the world. He's that man who stands on business both in the streets and at home. He can be a hitman, murderer, serial killer, or drug dealer, but when he gets home, he's that woman's everything. He's romantic, caring, understanding, compassionate, thoughtful. He's gentle with her and also rough in the best ways. He's soft where it counts. Those are the types of men female readers love to read about, the ones we deem book baes. We may not all have that in our actual lives, but when we sit down to read, we get just a moment to escape reality, and that escape includes a man who is everything we've ever dreamed of, no matter how unrealistic the dream. That's why I write those kinds of characters: to give my readers a taste of perfection while they're escaping their realities.